Unfinished Business

by Sherry Friel

The unfinished cross stitch pattern remains a tender remembrance of my grandmother's love.

Twenty years ago, my grandmother gave me a cross-stitch pattern to complete. It was a very simple 9 X 12-inch sampler featuring the alphabet and numbers. I stumbled across it today while clearing out my bedside table drawer.  I never told her how close I was to completing it, but had abandoned it because I used wrong shade of brown threads throughout. At the time I thought it was imperfect, unworthy of framing and displaying and calling a success. I always promised I’d finish it. Looking at it today, I cannot even detect the flaw. In fact, it’s beautiful-rich with hues of blues and purples to which I will always be drawn. Was I so bent on perfection that I abandoned the project because one color was slightly off from what the pattern dictated? She passed away six years ago, and I still have the unfinished pattern at my bedside. I revisit it each year, insert a few stitches, and tuck it away again. It occurs to me that I no longer want to finish it. It has become my last tangible link to her-the last project we initiated when I was a young woman. I suppose it’s my very deliberate way of remembering. As long as I have the incomplete pattern, I can still hold the stitches, the softness, the color and beauty of that love in my hands. It was a perfect love, meant to be held and cherished and passed into infinity. I have to admit when my 5-year-old son expresses an interest in knitting, cooking, or other simple pleasures my grandmother and I shared, my heart knows she never really left at all.

Editor’s Note: Sherry Friel is a freelance writer based in Virginia Beach, VA. She will be sharing her stories and photography with Bay Decon from time to time. We look forward to sharing more healing stories and photographs from our readers. Thank you!

What to do When the Police Leave

A Guide to the First Days Following a Traumatic Loss

The book What to do When the Police Leave is a must-read for anyone tasked with attending to the details following a brutal, traumatic death. Covering everything from

Lone set of footprints spotted at Nags Head, NC at sunrise. No one should walk alone!

cleanup of the scene to working with media and law enforcement, the book’s strength lies in the clarity and sensitivity with which it outlines key areas of focus for families in the aftermath of tragedy. “It is the kind of book that I should have received when first informed of my son’s death the night he was shot and killed,” notes author Bill Jenkins. Chapters include:

• Eight Things You Need to Know Right Now
• Your Local Victim Assistance Program
• First Things First-The Checklist in Detail-Emergency Response and Crime Scene Cleanup
• Grief and Grieving

At Bay Decon, we are committed to doing our part to help after an unexpected death or serious injury. We feel very strongly that the last thing a family or business owner should have to think about is cleaning, and it is not a task anyone should ever tackle alone. We started this business in an effort to offer a calm, competent hand to people surviving some of the most horrific events imaginable, and will consistently share what we learn as we go along. After listening to Bill Jenkins speak at an American Bio-Recovery Association convention, we wholeheartedly recommend his book and Web site:

http://www.willsworld.com/

Hope Endures

This photograph was taken after the recent funeral of a beloved family member. The day of the funeral had been appropriately overcast and dreary. The following day, as we gathered at the cemetery to say a final goodbye, a miracle appeared in the form of a rainbow. Do you have a similar message of hope to share with our readers? If so, we invite you to send it to barb@baydecon.com for publication consideration. We welcome poems, passages, thoughts, photographs-anything that has helped you in your healing journey. Thank you for reading and have a blessed day! ~Barb

Welcome to Our New Blog!

Nags Head, North Carolina

We started Bay Decon to help people cope with the overwhelming task of cleaning after the most tragic circumstances imaginable. We work closely with families and businesses, often within hours following homicides, suicides, and violent deaths. It’s a business rich with indescribable rewards too-one that gives us a unique opportunity to connect, empathize, and help people through difficult situations.

We have had the opportunity to work with some of the finest families in the community as well as seasoned professionals whose expertise we respect and learn from on a daily basis. This blog is an effort to bring that wisdom to one place, where we can share our thoughts  and learn from each other. Check back often, as we will be featuring healing words and original photography from our subscribers, as well as tips to help you recover from situations involving biohazardous waste. If you would like to contribute original photography, a healing passage, or anything you feel would help people who may be reading this blog, please send it to us at barb@baydecon.com and we will be happy to consider it for possible publication. Sorry, but we cannot pay for submissions at this time. Just know that anything you share with readers of this blog has the potential to be a very healing source for those who may be grieving.

Bay Decon is a private, family-owned business and we’re here to help 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Based in southeastern Virginia, we are able to respond quickly with the latest training and technology available. Our service area includes Virginia, North Carolina and Maryland. If  you are reading this blog because you are facing the task of dealing with a clean-up situation, don’t be tempted to handle it yourself. These events can be psychologically overwhelming, and you can put yourself and others at risk of serious infectious diseases. Officials at the scene will advise you to let specially-trained technicians handle the cleaning. Please take their advice, and call us with questions or concerns.

For more detailed information about our services, we invite you to visit www.baydecon.com or call us at (757) 333-2999. Thank you for reading, and we wish you the very best as you begin 2011.

Barry & Barb Owens
Owners, Bay Decon

Hazardous Duty: Why Crime Scene Cleaners Remain in Harm’s Way

Crime scene cleaners undergo extensive training to do what they do. And contrary to what seasoned professionals claim to handle with ease, the truth is the hazards of the work are often unbelievably difficult and dangerous beyond any attempt at explanation.

Approaching Storm at Nags Head, NC.

“We often respond within hours of a trauma, and the emotions of people who contact us are still very raw,” explains Barry Owens, owner of Bay Decon. “The families who need our services have just come to grips with a loved one’s suicide or violent murder,” he continued. “Nothing prepares you psychologically for this, and it never gets easier. At times I am haunted by the images and memories that pop in my mind years later-a bullet hole in a young girl’s shampoo bottle following her suicide, or the sounds of grief-stricken family members sobbing as they wait patiently for me to clean their home. This work attacks every sense you possess-sight, smell, touch, and sound-in ways that become ingrained in you. But once you start this type of work, it is hard to let it go. I hope to always be in a position to help people in ways that are sensitive and respectful to their needs during particularly difficult times.”

But the hazards of crime scene remediation also go way beyond psychological. Technicians are trained to handle blood and body fluids possibly contaminated with pathogens so dangerous they can cause severe illness or even death. Despite the protection of hazmat suits, protective gear, chemicals and extensive immunizations, the job consistently ranks as one of the most emotionally taxing and potentially dangerous careers one can undertake. And yet, each year more technicians become certified to do the work.

“It is not a career in which one expects to become wealthy. It is one with roots in community service and empathy for people tasked with facing perhaps the most traumatic events in their lives,” said Owens. “My wife, Barb, and I are committed to helping families who need us in ways we would want our own family treated.”